I never imagined the day that I will see you like this. That I will feel things like this. That I will surrender to life just like this. I never thought. But maybe, because of some instances that happened, maybe it’s just right to feel and to see things this way.
First, we had this bus ride where an old friend of mine told me and our new friends on why she left our crowd for some group. Why? Because we’re so out of her league. That we’re so quiet and she’s not. And that she just found her niche in life, with her new friends of course. You see Friday, that bus ride was not really one of my finest bus ride ever. (this happened in the middle of the night, technically it’s Saturday morning, but who cares)
Secondly, another friend confessed to me that she thinks my laughter and smile looks like I’m stirring up something, planning something, or have something bad in mind. In reality, I’m just happy. And I never realized that being happy might make other people feel somewhat threatened. And I’m truly sorry for that. I’m truly sorry for being happy and for making them feel miserable because of it. Now I feel miserable, too. (this happened on Friday night)
Thirdly, my other friend, who is used to telling the same thing again and again, straight to my face that I fail to experience the resources that are just within my reach when I was in college, who I think she never thought of the quote ‘anything too much is bad’, I want you to know that I am hurt from what you told me. I am sorry for not attaining your expectations but for the record, I just want you to know that we don’t live the same life, we’re not friends in college so we don’t experience the same set of things, and most of all, we don’t have the same pocket. I may be a late bloomer in experiencing some things, but the point is, I’m willing to try even if it’s later in my life. And who cares if I try it now, and not before? It’s my life. And there’s nothing wrong with doing things and when I want them to be done. I may be overthinking things. I see that you could just be insensitive and I’m sensitive or it could be both, but either way, I just want you to know that I defended myself from you, from your unreasonable way of thinking. It may just be a comment. It may just be a joke. But in any case, if you keep on rubbing it in my face, who else will think if it’s a joke? Even I wouldn’t. So please, just stop. (And this one happened on a Sunday afternoon)
My dear Friday, I have been through a lot for the past three days and it all started on your day. I’m sorry for addressing my concerns to you. I know you’re not worthy of all these rantings. But I just needed someone, somebody, something, anything to blame. Just like these problems, it’s unworthy of blaming to others, for these all points out to me.
These all started wrong. And it all ended wrong. From the capital letter to the last period, these are all wrong. And I hope to see the sunlight before another Friday comes.
Doubting if I am yours truly,